Spirit of Living – (Part 6) My Personal Story- Continued

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In High School, I got involved with a large youth group associated through the church my parents attended.  I became very involved in youth activities. I finally found a group of people who looked past my disability and accepted me.  I didn’t have to be afraid of being teased or left alone anymore.  I felt a sense of love and belonging. I had faith again after years of being neglected, rejected, and abandoned.

I remember one summer in particular.  I worked at church camp and there was a huge conflict within the staff.  There were two sides of the story and I was on - the not so popular side. The conflict divided people. The people that I felt loved and accepted me - no longer felt that way because I disagreed with them. Yet again, I was left alone and felt abandoned.  This time, I was not rejected because I had a disability, but I was rejected for what I believed in.  For me, this hurt worse.  Now the feelings of being insecure, broken, angry, bitter, and lonely were intensified causing me to lose my faith and hope.

I had built a faith, but it was torn down and destroyed by other Christians.  It was absolutely one of the most painful trials I have ever gone through in my life. You see, the problem was, I still built my faith and significance on others.  I based my self-worth on if I was loved and accepted by others.  Ultimately, I based my faith in God on the foundation of other people’s love and acceptance of me. So, when people got mad and did not show unconditional love and acceptance, then my foundation in faith crumpled, because it was rooted in “worldly” relationships instead of a relationship with Christ. 

This was the period in life that I lost all hope and faith.  Instead of rebuilding my foundation on Christ, THE solid Rock, I ran into the world.  I sought love and acceptance in a lot of unhealthy relationships. Even my healthy relationships weren’t good because I clung to people rather than God. When that left me empty, I began to build walls around my heart.  If I didn’t let anyone in, then it would stop the cycle of being devastated when others hurt me.  I was so lost and alone during this period of my life. I desperately needed to connect with God and allow him to define me!

Have you been hurt by others? Are you someone who needs to let God define you instead of the world?  Through the Holy Spirit, he will show you.  If you are ready, you will want to read my next few posts- Spirit of Living (Part 7) and (Part 8) dealing with my personal encounter with the Holy Spirit.